The Munchies
by Jessica Sel
Summary: Elaine is pregnant, Putty upgrades to an Iphone, Kramer gets a medical marijuana card, Jerry enjoys the bachelor lifestyle, George prepares for a destination wedding.


CATCHING UP WITH THE GANG IN 2012!

MONKS

(Jerry and George are sitting at a table)

Jerry: (Enthusiastically) So George, are you getting excited about the wedding?

George: YES ! Jerry I am, I am excited!

Jerry: I bought my plane ticket yesterday.

George: A destination wedding! I've always wanted to do this! It's going to be great!

Jerry: How do Diana's parents feel?

George: Well they wanted us to get married in the synagogue but since I'm not Jewish…

Jerry: We can't all be chosen you know.

(Enter Elaine and Putty. Elaine is very pregnant)

Elaine: God, my back is killing me.

(Lowers herself into booth. Pushes George over. He looks annoyed.)

Putty: Hi George, Hi Jerry.

Jerry: Hey Putty.

Elaine: (Yells) Hey can we get some service over here! I'm starving!

Putty: You just ate an hour ago.

Elaine: I'm pregnant you idiot! I'm hungry!

Putty: It's not twins you know. (Sits in booth)

Elaine: George, sorry I'm not going to make the wedding. I'm too pregnant to fly.

George: That's ok. Thanks for the wedding gift by the way.

Elaine (puzzled) Gift? (Looks at Putty.)

Putty: I sent them new luggage.

George: Elaine, when we get back Diana wants to get together for lunch. She wants to hear all about your pregnancy. She just can't wait to have a baby.

(Jerry's cell phone rings)

Jerry: Oh I gotta take this. It's Brandi. She's a stewardess I met on the road. She's only in town for one night! (Leaves table).

Elaine: Hey George, do you kinda feel sorry for Jerry? I mean, here we are getting married and having babies and he is still dating stewardesses?

George: Yeah, you know I kinda do.

Elaine: We are about to have everything we have ever wanted. Am I right?

George: I can't believe we are going to have it all before Jerry. I'm pretty proud of myself.

Elaine: Me too. High Five!

HALLWAY OUTSIDE JERRY'S APARTMENT

George: I can only stay a minute. I have to get home and help Diana pack.

Jerry: (Sniffs the air) What's that smell?

(Smell is coming from Kramer's apartment .Jerry knocks on door. Kramer opens door, wearing sunglasses.)

Kramer: Hey buddy whats up?

Jerry: Kramer, what is that smell? (Shocked look) Is that marijuana?

Kramer: That's right. Want a toke?

Jerry: Kramer, marijuana is ILLEAGAL!

Kramer: Not for me it isn't! Check this out! (Holds up a medical marijuana card)

Jerry: How the heck did you get this?

Kramer: Newman gets them from a buddy on his route.

Jerry: That's all Newman needs, a major case of the munchies!

(George's cell phone rings)

George: It's Diana. I gotta go.

(Answers phone)

George: Hi dear. Yes, yes I am on my way. (Rushes off)

Kramer: Boy, she's got him on a tight leash.

Jerry: I guess she is still worried because of that time we all went to jail. You know she used to be a police woman.

(Newman appears in hallway.)

Newman: Hello Jerry.

Jerry: Hello Newman.

Newman: You ready Kramer? I brought the snacks. (Newman's arms are full of junk food)

Jerry: Newman, don't they drug test at the post office?

Newman: Not anymore Jerry. Turns out the US postal service is not very efficiently run. Funding for that was cut years ago.

Jerry: Well that explains a lot.

Kramer: I gotta go buddy. Newman and I are about to watch Jersey Shore. Those crazy kids!

Newman: Ta- Ta Jerry!

ELAINE'S APARTMENT

(She and Putty are sitting on the couch. Putty is rubbing her feet.)

Elaine: David, I'm really impressed that you went out and got George and Diana a gift from us. That was so thoughtful. (Kisses him)

Putty: Yeah, well I knew you weren't going to do it.

Elaine: Did you get it from their registry at Barney's?

Putty: I got it from a guy on the street, twenty bucks.

(Elaine picks up her smartphone)

Putty: Whatcha doin babe?

Elaine: Just checking my facebook. Why don't you have a facebook?

Putty: I don't facebook.

Elaine: What about twitter?

Putty: I don't tweet.

Elaine: Why?

Putty: It's not for me babe.

Elaine (annoyed) David, social media is the future. You have to have something. Myspace?

Putty: Nah.

Elaine: And what is with this phone? (Picks up a large flip phone) You have to get a smartphone, David. This thing is embarrassing!

Putty: DON'T YOU MAKE FUN OF MY PHONE!

(Elaine storms off)

GEORGE'S APARTMENT

(George and Diana are packing suitcases.)

Diana: I'm so excited George. This is going to be a great wedding.

George: Me too dear. I can't wait to see that beautiful ocean, the sand, the dolphins, whatever.

(Diana hugs George. Pulls away and crinkles her nose)

Diana: George, you smell funny. Is that marijuana?

George: No! I don't smoke pot!

Diana: I recognize that smell from my days on the force. It's unmistakable George! I thought you were going to stay straight! I am a former police officer George. I can't marry someone who is into illegal activities!

George: Diana, I promise you I don't smoke marijuana!

(Diana storms from the room)

George: KRAMER!

NEXT DAY

JERRY'S APARTMENT

(Jerry and Elaine are sitting on the couch watching TV)

Elaine: I really like this HD TV. The picture is so clear.

Jerry: I feel like I'm paying twice as much to watch the same crap I was watching before.

Elaine: I finally talked David into getting the new Iphone. I just couldn't be seen with him carrying that relic anymore.

Jerry: You have to commend Putty for sticking with the flip phone as long as he did. He's nothing if not loyal.

Elaine: You all packed for George's wedding?

Jerry: Yep. Flight leaves at 8am tomorrow. Soon we will be sipping mixed drinks by the ocean.

Elaine: And there's the wedding.

Jerry: Yeah that too.

Elaine: Well I hope by the time you get back I won't be pregnant anymore. I'm hungry. Got anything to eat?

Jerry: No not really, wanna go to the coffee shop? I'm meeting George there for lunch.

(Kramer Enters and goes straight to the fridge)

Kramer: Hey Jerry got anything to eat?

Jerry: Kramer,are you stoned again? This has got to stop! You're eating me out of house and home!

Kramer: Jerry, this marijuana is for medicinal purposes!

Jerry: Well you better sober up by tomorrow. You know we have to be at the airport at 7am!

Kramer: Hey can I borrow your spare suitcase?

Jerry: I don't have a spare anymore. You never gave it back last time.

Kramer: Oh yeah.

Elaine: Putty bought one on the street, twenty bucks.

Kramer: GETTY UP!

MONKS

(George is at a booth. Jerry and Elaine enter and sit down.)

Elaine: (Yells) Can we get some service over here?

Waitress: (Looking annoyed) What can we get you today, Lady?

Elaine: (studies menu) You know, just bring me one of everything. I'm starving!

Waitress: Eating for two I see? (Turns to Jerry) And you?

Jerry: Just coffee for me thanks. She's eating for me as well.

George: Well, Kramer screwed me again. Diana smelled marijuana on my clothes. Now she thinks I smoke pot. It took me hours to convince her I didn't. I'm lucky she wants to go forward with the wedding.

Elaine: That's fascinating. Ugh, my back really hurts. (Gets up from booth)

Elaine: Oh my god! I think my water just broke! Jerry you have to take me to the hospital!

Jerry (panicked look) I'm gonna call Putty! He can take you! (Tries to make call on cell phone)

Jerry : Hello? Hello? Putty?

ON STREET

(Putty is holding a new Iphone. Can't figure out how to answer it.)

MONKS

Elaine: Jerry there is no time! We have to go now! Quick get a cab! (Panting. Drags Jerry out the door)

(Waitress starts bringing plates to the table. George shrugs and tucks napkin in shirt.

Diana walks in door. Sees George stuffing his face at table covered with food.)

Diana to herself: I knew he was smoking pot! (Turns and runs from coffee shop.)

NEXT DAY

AIRPORT

(Jerry, George, Kramer and Diana are in security line.)

George: Wow, Elaine is a mother. It's all she's ever really wanted you know. I can't believe Putty missed it. Poor guy. At least you were there with her.

Jerry: Actually I just dropped her at the hospital door. Childbirth isn't something I ever want to witness.

George: Well, not until it's your wife having a baby.

Jerry: Nope, not ever.

(George rolls eyes)

Kramer: This line is taking forever. I'm going for some duty free candy. Watch my bag will you?

(Leaves suitcase next to George's and they are identical.)

Jerry: (Whispering) So you straightened everything out with Diana?

George: Yes. I had to explain to her why I had all that food. I'm still not sure Diana trusts me. She just can't get over my time in the slammer.

Jerry: George, it was a minimum security facility and we got out in 3 months for good behavior.

George: Whatever.

(Line moves forward and George grabs Kramer's bag instead of his own.)

Security guard approaches.

Security Guard: Excuse me sir, I need to search your bag.

George: Go ahead.

(Guard begins going through luggage. Pulls out a bag of marijuana)

Security Guard: Sir, is this yours?

George: No! It's not mine! KRAMER! KRAMER!

(George is lead away in handcuffs. Jerry and Diana look on, shocked.)

Diana: I knew it! (sobbing)

TWO WEEKS LATER

ELAINE'S APARTMENT

(Elaine and Putty are sitting on couch surrounded by baby stuff and a cradle. Elaine is wearing sweatpants, hair is messed up. Putty is wearing underwear and socks. Eating and watching TV.)

(Doorbell rings. Elaine goes to door. It is Jerry. Jerry is tan, wearing a Hawaiian shirt.)

Jerry: LANEY! (Jerry and Elaine hug)

Elaine: Jerry! Your back! You look great! Just great!

Jerry: Thanks! Boy that vacation was just what I needed. Too bad about George though.

Elaine: Yeah too bad. So he got 6 months hu?

Jerry: Yes, only three if he gets out early for good behavior.

Elaine: What about Diana?

Jerry: Well, she decided to go ahead with the trip. In fact, she met a Marine Biologist and they are getting married next month.

Elaine: GET OUT! (Shoves Jerry)

Jerry: And guess what else? Turns out Diana has a sister. We really hit it off.

Elaine: That's great. Mom and Pop Seinfeld must be happy you met a nice Jewish girl.

Jerry: Yeah, well I don't know how I feel about the long distance thing.

Elaine: Where does she live?

Jerry: Brooklyn.

Elaine: You are never going to see her again are you?

Jerry: Not in this lifetime.

Elaine: So where is Kramer? I want him to see the baby too.

Jerry: Well Kramer found out you don't need a medical marijuana card on the island. We may not see him for awhile.

Elaine: Oh, well here she is. Little Marie Putty.

Jerry: (Looks in cradle) She's just breathtaking.

(Elaine furrows eyebrows)

Putty: Hey babe can you grab me another beer?

(Elaine rolls eyes).

Jerry: Well I gotta run. I'm a little jetlagged. I need a nap.

Elaine: Nap? (Elaine looks longingly at Jerry)

Jerry: Yeah, maybe go to the coffee shop later. You should come if you can.

(Baby starts screaming)

Putty: Hey I still need that beer!

Jerry: Well you did it Elaine. You have everything you ever wanted, right?

(Elaine looks back into apartment. Baby is still screaming.)

Elaine: Yes, everything I ever wanted… well, see you around.

Jerry: Yeah, see ya. (Elaine closes door)

(Jerry hears Elaine yelling from inside apartment)

Elaine: Get it yourself!

(Jerry shakes head and walks away smiling.)

THE END.


End file.
